Though I may feel jaded and calloused about church, I cannot give up on church.  Neither can you.  Here are 5 reasons why church engagement is vital to your growth:

1. You are created to be in fellowship with others (Hebrews 10:24-25)
2. You are a unique and integral part of the body of believers (Romans 12:5)
3. You are responsible for one another like a family (Ephesians 4:2)
4. You are called to celebrate the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus (1 Cor. 11:24-27)
5. You are sent out to change the world as a community (Acts 1:8)

I know what you are thinking!  “Show me a church that remotely resembles the ‘community’ described in the above-mentioned statements, and then I’ll consider going there!”  Haha.  However, take a closer look — notice that these statements do not describe the church, but these statements describe you.

It is subtle, but you can easily fall into the trap of consumerism if you look for churches that “fit your taste”.  You may be on a wild goose chase for many months – even years.  Instead I encourage you to examine your heart.   Are you ready to fit into the church to which has God has called you?  You will need to pray and be honest before God and yourself.  Where is God leading me?  Which church should I join?

Photo Courtesy of Todd Klassy (cc)

My family and I are right in the middle of this process.  It has been painful and tiresome, but also very enlightening.  I hope that our journey encourages you to do some soul-searching.  Even though it can be difficult, don’t give up on church.  Here are three steps that I suggest in order to find the church that God is calling you to join.

Step #1:  Get clear on the essentials.

I think it is important to have a set of diagnostic questions that you ask while visiting a church.  Questions like, “Did I like the pastor’s speaking style?” or “Was the worship good enough for me?” or “Does the church have the right vibe?” are pointed in the wrong direction.  Instead consider these 5 questions:

• Do I believe what this church believes?

  Doctrine isn’t everything, but it is important to know where a church stands on specific issues.  Do some research and check out the church’s website or ask one of the pastoral staff.  Pay close attention to items that interest you.  Be honest now, so you don’t have to be awkward later.

• Do I agree with the vision (or direction) of this church? 

  Vision is huge.  If the church wants to become something that makes you cringe or indifferent, then you are not meant for that church.  There is nothing wrong with you or the church, just a difference of vision.

• Will I connect at this church? 

  Place yourself in the community that is being formed in that church.  Picture yourself joining a small group.  Consider race, ethnicity, demographics, location, etc.  There may be tons of opportunities to connect, but the intrinsic motivation to join these groups must be in your heart.

• Will I grow in this church? 

  Consider if there are any people in the church that you aspire to become.  If there are, then you might be in the right place.  You should seek out their wisdom and get mentored.  My attention is drawn to the senior pastor.  Leaders reproduce who they are in their followers.

• Will I be able to serve in this church? 

  Search for opportunities to take action and not be a spectator.  If there are spots open for you to activate your gifts, then you might be right for the church.  However, this question must be answered in the context of the previous questions.  Don’t get burned out by an unhealthy church.

Step #2:  Initiate your 6-8 week plan.

Pick 4 churches in your area.  I would recommend picking 2 churches that are familiar in nature, one church that is moderately familiar, and one church that is completely different from your prior church experiences.  I think the variety will be great for your discernment process.  You will have more to compare and contrast.

Next, create a schedule in your calendar for these 4 churches.  I suggest scheduling your visits like this:

• Week 1:  Church A
• Week 2:  Church B
• Week 3:  Church C
• Week 4:  Church D

Ask yourself the 5 diagnostic questions mentioned above.  Now, rank these churches.  Take your top 2 churches and go visit them again.

• Week 5:  Church B
• Week 6:  Church C

Take time for another round of asking the 5 diagnostic questions.  Now rank these 2 churches.  Make your top choice and go visit one more time.

• Week 7:  Church C

Make this your new home church.  Unless you noticed a major discrepancy with your prior observations, you should be satisfied that God has called you to join this community.

Step #3:  Make a decision and commit.

Crazy – you’ve got a new home church! Sadly, your temptation will be to bail, the moment anything goes wrong.  Don’t do that.  Remember this is not all about the church, but this is about God calling you to be a part of a community.

Commit to the church for at least 6 months and see what happens.  Pray and ask God to reveal His plan for you.  The church needs you just as much as you may need it.  You are called to one another.  Therefore, wait on God and His timing.  You will be satisfied that you are not another church connoisseur.

Photo Courtesy of Sibi Thomas (c)

I would like for you to pray for my family as we are in the middle of executing this plan.  We want God to lead us to the right church.  In the meantime, we want God to shape our hearts to be ready for our new church.  I know God does not waste anything – even the ugly moments of past church experiences can be redeemed.

Have you felt like giving up on church?  What has your church experience been like?  Do you have advice to help others find a good home church?  Please comment below.

I was asked to play acoustic guitar for someone that was going to lead worship at a church. At the last minute, the worship leader could not make it, and all eyes turned towards me. I was a bit in shock – I was about 17 years old. I stepped up to the microphone, took a deep breath… and, well, the rest is history. 

Photo Courtesy of kkirby864 (cc)

I came home that evening and told my parents what had happened.  My Mom gave me one piece of advice that has never left me “Son, just play and sing like you always do in your room – except the only difference now is that someone put a microphone in front of you!”  We laughed, but those simple words still ring true today.

The role of the worship leader has morphed into something different over the past decade. You don’t have to be a rock star to be a great worship leader!  What happened to authentic, simple, thoughtful, and obedient?  Here are 5 tips that I want to add to my Mom’s advice for any worship leader:

Tip #1:  Never Lose Your Wonder.

You must have an accurate view of God.  Don’t forget how awesome and holy God is.  If you are jaded, calloused, or confused, then consider what will be deposited into the people that you lead into worship.  You can only take people where you have gone yourself in worship.  Consider how He is your Wonderful Counselor, your Mighty God, your Everlasting Father, and your Prince of Peace.  These names are more than mere titles – they are accurate descriptions!

Read Isaiah 9:6.  Lead worship in awe of Him.

Tip #2:  Humility is Important.

You must have an accurate view of yourself.  Humility is how God sees you.  Do not become a puffed up version of yourself, and do not become a degraded version of yourself.  Putting yourself down, or not accepting compliments, does not make you humble — it makes you annoying.  Say THANK YOU when people say they enjoyed the worship time.  Then during your quiet times, give God the credit for using you in this way!  Stay plugged into God.  Be comfortable being you before God and others.

Read Luke 7:36-50.  Lead worship like a servant.

Tip #3:  Obedience is Better…

You must have an accurate view of God’s principles.  Obedience is better than sacrifice.  What does God say about worship?  What does God desire?  Learn to become a student and practitioner of God’s Word.  Your personal time in God’s Word will pay dividends during your worship times.  There are consequences when you do not lead according to God’s principles.  You produce death, not life, when you presume that you know what to do.  Worship becomes empty and self-centered.  Be obedient by loving God’s Word.

Read 2 Samuel 6.  Lead worship with careful obedience.

Tip #4:  Live it Out!

You must have an accurate view of God’s plan for your life.  Worship is much more than what you do during a worship session at church or at a conference.  It is your lifestyle.  I should be able to take a snapshot of any moment in your life and be able to see worship that produces life in others.  Do you trust God with your life?  If not, then you may be harboring subtle idolatry in your heart.  A worship leader cannot serve both God and something else!  Your life and your worship must be congruent.

Read Luke 18:18-30.  Lead worship like you lead your life.

Tip #5:  Master Your Craft.

You must have an accurate view of your gifts.  Do not try to be someone that you are not.  However, take what has been given to you and sharpen it, utilize it, and present it before God as your offering.  Excellence in worship is not for the audience, but it is for God that gave you those talents.  You offer it back to Him with excellence.  Let your talents (i.e. singing, musicianship, hospitality, poetry, dance, media, etc.) become an on-ramp for others!  Let your light shine brightly for others such that it will make God famous.

Read Luke 19:11-27.  Lead worship by investing in your talents.

Linson Daniel Band at CFNI – Photo Courtesy of Jency Mathew (c)

Anyone that has partnered with me in worship will tell you that I take leading worship very seriously. Consider the power that is unleashed when you come before God with everything that you have.  I believe that depression will be lifted, brokenness will be repaired, bitterness will melt, and diseases will be cured in the presence of an awesome God.  As a worship leader, you must believe this too… not just for you, but also for the people that you lead.

Next time you take the stage, walk on campus, go to work, or sit in your room – speak these words:

• I am in awe of You, God.
• I know that I am Yours.
• I long to obey You fully.
• I trust You with my life’s trajectory.
• I give my talents back to You with excellence.

Let worship arise among all people in all places!  One day it will!  Until then, love the people that you lead, and keep changing the world with a lifestyle of worship.  Bring worship unto God that brings life, not death.  Start today!

Do you have any other ideas or tips for worship leaders?  I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Please comment below.

There would be moments of utter silence at my house while my wife was on her phone, I was on mine, and our daughter was peering over my shoulder looking at my phone.  What happened to my loud, chaotic house?  Answering texts, updating Facebook, tweeting quotes, crushing candy, catapulting birds, reading blogs, and pinning pins became the norm.

Photo Courtesy of Quin@ (cc)

The iPhone slowly became the unhealthy center of our home.  We became addicts.  This is not uncommon.  I look around everywhere and see that people are swiping, pressing, and reading something on their phones.  Do you find yourself thinking one of the following?

1. Answer this text message right now!
2. Check the latest score for the Texas Rangers game!
3. Scan the Facebook news feed just in case you miss out on anything!
4. Squeeze in one level of Candy Crush while you wait for 5 seconds!
5. Did you hear that?  I think it was my phone – I need to get it.

Yeah, you’re an addict.

Your smart phone has turned you into a dummy.  Instead of using your phone, your phone is using you!  Since my family is determined to come out of our self-induced iPhone coma, we’ve come up with 3 steps to empower you to use your smart phone like a smart person, and they are as follows:

Step #1: Measure Your Phone Usage

Track how much you use your phone for the next few days.  Do you check your phone right when you wake up?  Are you still in bed?  As you fall asleep?  Do you check your phone while eating?  While driving?  While in the middle of a conversation?  While at work?  During meetings?  In the bathroom?  Be honest.

You will be surprised how often you use your phone.  Don’t be hard on yourself – that’s not the point.  What I hope you realize is that some of these moments can be stopped, while others can be maximized.  For example, in the morning, I check the weather, the Bible, RunKeeper, LoseIt!, Pulse, and Feedly.  It’s my morning ritual.  I keep that ritual, but I don’t have to do all the other stuff like email, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.

Step #2: Initiate Rhythms of Disengagement

Now that you know how often you are on the phone, create ways to disengage from your phone.  Here are a few tips to start your disengagement process:

1. Turn off all frivolous notifications, bells, alarms, etc.
2. Place your phone next to your keys or wallet in another room
3. Keep your phone face down if it has to be near you
4. Make calls/texts during scheduled times of the day
5. Never let a physically present person be trumped by your phone
6. Refrain from getting your phone because you are bored

Your brain needs a break.  It does not want more data.  It just wants to imagine, muse, and create stuff for no reason.  So let it.  One of my spiritual mentors pointed out how much of the world we miss when we remain fixated to our phones.  Your kids grow up.  Your wife/husband grows distant.  Your friendships become superficial.  You miss the opportunity for significant conversations.  You skip over the beauty of sitting and taking in life.  Your prayer life plummets.  You stop noticing the presence of God in your life.  Dang.

Step #3:  Organize for Maximum Productivity

Organize your phone by what YOU do with it, not by what your apps do.  Consider what you learned while measuring your phone usage (Step #1).  Do you use it more in the mornings?  While on the road?  To relax in the evenings?  Now, create categories that fit your day.  I suggest naming these categories after actions verbs.  Check out my categories (i.e. Row #2, Row #3):

Photo Courtesy of Betina Daniel (c)

Row #2

• START.  Apps I use to start my day.
• COMMUTE.  Apps I use on my commute.
• ADVANCE.  Apps I use to advance the mission.
• INFLUENCE.  Apps I use to influence others positively.

Row #3

• UTILIZE.  Apps I utilize to do something quickly.
• CREATE.  Apps I use to create ideas, art, photos, etc.
• TRAVEL.  Apps I use during travel.
• RELAX.  Apps I use when I want to relax.

Instead of having your apps all over the place at random, place them together into groups by what you hope to accomplish.  By grouping your apps together by actions, you know exactly what you want to do when you grab your phone.  If it is not one of these actions, then don’t pick up your phone.

Get rid of apps that don’t help you accomplish these actions.  Don’t waste time.  For example, I was addicted to this game called “Candy Crush” so I deleted it.  In stark contrast, I wasn’t reading my Bible enough so I added a new Bible app called “Glo Bible”.  I knew I wanted to keep track of my weight and calorie intake, so I added “LoseIt!”.

Bottom line — take control of your phone by being intentional.  Don’t let your phone control you.  Ask yourself if what you are currently doing on your phone is really worth missing out on what God might be doing in and/or around you?  I doubt anything on your phone is that important.  Be smart with your smart phone.  Love people, lead noble causes, and live on purpose!  Let your smart phone help you accomplish that.  You are an Everyday World Changer.  Start today!

What does your phone usage look like?  Do you need to disengage more?  Do you have any other ideas or tips about using smart phones?  I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Please comment below.

A message to my readers!

I am a guest writer on a blog called “Release the A.P.E.” The acronym A.P.E. stands for Apostolic, Prophetic, and Evangelistic. I will blog for them once every other month (i.e. February, April, June, August, October, and December). This will be my second post for them and it is entitled “Unlock the Potential of an Apostolic Movement“.  

I humbly ask you to support me by engaging and commenting on their site. Please know that I will continue to provide valuable content at this blog every Monday as usual!  Thanks again for your support! Let’s keep changing the world!

~Linson Daniel

I love planting new communities on university campuses all over my geographic area.  It is a thrilling experience to meet students, empower them, and start missional communities that produce renewal.  I often get labeled as an “apostolic” person, but my heart wants something more than being one apostolic person… I want to start movements that are apostolic!

But first, there has been much discussion about what it means to be apostolic.  A few of my colleagues and I have landed on a phrase that encapsulates the idea of an apostle.  “An apostolic person is sent by God’s Spirit to expand the Kingdom across boundaries into new places”.  I like this definition for four reasons:

continue reading at Release the A.P.E.

Photo Courtesy of miggslives (cc)

continue reading at Release the A.P.E.

Prayerful dependence must be a priority in every world changer’s life.  In order to be a catalyst of change, you must be plugged into the power that prayer provides.  The act of prayer has many benefits.  Here is a list of my top ten benefits (not in a particular order):

1. Prayer opens vibrant dialogue with God
2. Prayer grants appropriate perspective
3. Prayer delivers new ideas and thoughts
4. Prayer settles your heart and mind
5. Prayer fosters discipline and growth
6. Prayer makes space to be honest with yourself
7. Prayer helps you make sense of the world
8. Prayer cultivates dependence on God
9. Prayer changes your situation
10. Prayer changes you

It is an awesome privilege to have the audience of a loving, powerful God. You cannot easily schedule a meeting with your senator, governor, doctor, or even local church pastor, but you can sigh a prayer and immediately be in dialogue with the only person that has true power.  Simply amazing, isn’t it?

Photo Courtesy of wagdi.co.uk (cc)

I know prayer is important, but I confess that I am not inclined to stop what I am doing and pray.  It is sad, but not the end.  Even if I feel busy, all the more reason I must pray.  Therefore, I have rhythms of prayer in my life that are annual, monthly, and daily.  Here are 3 tips on how I implement these rhythms in my life:

Tip#1: Schedule annual seasons of prayer.

Pick a specific holiday or season to fast and pray (i.e. Lent, Christmas, right after the New Year, etc.).  I am trying something new and fasting (i.e. Daniel Fast) between Easter and the Day of Pentecost.  I hope to gain a fresh, deeper reverence for Jesus’ resurrection and the wonder displayed at Pentecost.

Schedule a 24-hour prayer retreat in which you can be alone with your journal and Bible. I typically use this time to reflect on my year and the progress (or lack thereof) in my goals and ambitions. I just want to be alone and develop a better heart to hear His voice through scripture and circumstances.  I encourage you to do the same.

Tip #2: Use monthly events as prayer reminders.

My wife and I love to support various non-profits and churches.  Every time that we send our monthly donation; I spend a few minutes praying for that cause or vision.  It helps me broaden my prayers.  I pray for future world changers.  I pray for justice, for equality, and for the mission to move forward around the world.

Also, I take one of the four weekly discipleship visits that I have with an individual and set it aside for times of prayer and reflection.  I reflect on the progress of our discipleship and take time to pray.  This is a great way to foster a deeper prayer life in both of you.

Similarly, I meet with a Spiritual Director (mentor) once a month and he reminds me to pray about certain growth edges. All of these monthly prayers do not have to be long and drawn out, but perhaps they are 5-7 minutes long.  What matters is that you are cultivating a lifestyle of prayer!

Tip #3: Develop short daily habits.

In the morning, I pray through a list of requests as I make my daughter’s breakfast.  I realize that it is not ideal, but it is real life.  I’m typically making oatmeal, slicing fruit, packing her school bag, and praying for people.  I have a note in Evernote that serves as my running list of prayer requests.  I can access this note from my phone and keep it open while I am doing other things.  Sometimes, I will text the person that I just prayed for so that they are encouraged.

While I am traveling, I will pray through the Daily Office.  Being from the Pentecostal church, this discipline is foreign to me.  I have learned much from my liturgical friends about praying written prayers.  When I don’t know what to pray, I pray what is written.  Then it opens my heart to pray more. Also, while commuting to different locations, I pray for my life, family, friends, and the world.

In the evening, my family will pray together.  I love praying with my daughter — haha, she is a funny little girl.  Just as I am falling asleep, I will pray through St. Ignatius’ Daily Examen.  It has simple steps to reflect on my day and give God credit for everything.  Here are the steps:

• Review your day and ask God for clarity
• Thank God for everything that happened during your day
• Pay attention to how different instances impacted your emotions
• Choose one instance from your day and pray through it
• Look forward to your next day with God

You can take these 3 simple ideas and integrate them into your life without trying to overhaul everything. Over time, you will become more prayerfully dependent on God!  If you do not somehow integrate prayer, I believe you will become jaded, pessimistic, and/or depressed — that is not true life!  Allow prayer to uphold, enrich, and humble you as you continue to change the world. Start today!

What are other ways that you can develop prayerful dependence?  Share a story of a great prayer experience.  I’d love to hear what you want to add to this list.  Please comment below.

• Subjective
• Objective
• Assessment
• Plan of Action

It occurred to me that this is can be VERY helpful as I promote spiritual health in people. Think about it. You want the people that you disciple to become healthy spiritually. Yet why is it that modern-day discipleship relationships do not produce healthier people? Instead it looks like the following:

1. Meet at a coffee house
2. Discuss a popular Christian book
3. Unpack issues regarding a significant other
4. Give some advice
5. Pray together
6. Do it all over again… until one of you gives up.

Sure this process will build trust, but your friend is not on the road to spiritual health. There is no transformation! He/she can barely read a book or break off an unhealthy relationship! This is going nowhere! Why?? You have no plan, no goal, and no process for transformation. Disciples are to produce disciples that can produce more disciples. Healthy disciples replicate!

“Discipleship Notes” Photo Courtesy of Betina Daniel (c)

Let’s learn something from the good doctor. Start SOAP notes for each of your disciples. Do this and I promise you will develop world changers! I have done it for the past two years and it has made a significant difference! (Before starting this process, I assume that you have already established a level of trust with your disciple). Here is how I applied the SOAP method to discipleship:

Step #1: Subjective.

Doctors ask questions and you talk about your health.

Similarly, you should ask open-ended questions and allow your disciple to talk about her life. Pay close attention to what is being said so you can spot the key issues or development areas. Perhaps she is talking about her grades, her parents, and her new boyfriend, but as you listen carefully, the key issue she is struggling with is her identity.

Lovingly ask more questions and try not to become a trial lawyer. Eventually you will find areas that need development. Do not assume that there is always a “secret” that you need to find – sometimes, all she needs is encouragement to keep doing the right thing! Whatever the case, pay attention and keep good notes on what you hear and observe!

Step #2: Objective.

Doctors will run tests to see if your subjective answers match with their objective data.

In the same way, you must compare your disciple’s aforementioned subjective comments with objective data. Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could just draw blood and pinpoint spiritual unhealthiness? Since we cannot draw blood, we must use tools (or run tests) to reveal truth. The best tool to use is the Bible.

This is probably the most difficult step in this method, because you will have to interject scripture that coincides with the subjective comments made in the previous step. One idea is to pack your backpack with four of your favorite parables and then pull out the sheet of paper that most closely corresponds to their life. I do this regularly.

Rely on the Holy Spirit to reveal truths hidden in these parables. Interact with scripture and it will shed light on areas of growth. God’s Word is a lamp for our journey! Use it often.

Step #3: Assessment.

Doctors will assess what to do next after gathering your test results.

Likewise, you will need to assess next steps with your disciple after you study scripture. This is crucial. You need to help her interpret reality. She needs to see how Jesus is calling her to take the next few steps. Typically you will get lots of pushback as you assess these next steps. This is normal.

In my life, when my doctor prescribes new medications or a change in my lifestyle, my initial reaction is to push back or negotiate. Good doctors will listen, but firmly return to the recommended course of action. You must do the same. If you keep her spiritual health as high priority, then you will not be satisfied until you see her take steps toward health. Assess together – it creates buy-in.

Step #4: Plan of Action.

Doctors write a prescription and create a plan of action for their patients.

For example, my doctor may say take these two pills and call me in three months. Eat an apple everyday (preferably not one that is found in a pie). Overall, stop being a “fatty”. Ok, maybe I’m sharing too much of my personal life… But notice the precision in these instructions. No room for gray. You do it or you don’t do it. I love that!

You must do the same thing! After having great conversation, don’t just pray and go home, but write out what will be done between now and the next time you meet! When you make the plan of action for your disciple, make sure to follow these simple guidelines:

• Be clear
• Be challenging but not impossible
• Agree on a deadline or timeframe
• Describe the “wins”

Here is an example of a plan of action:

“Find your favorite family picture. Look at it and write two paragraphs in your journal about why you love being a part of your family. Re-read the scripture we studied together and make one action to bless your family. When we meet next week, I want you to share your journal entry and your one action. I believe God will reshape your heart for your family overtime. I believe you will see why God did not make a mistake when putting you in this family. We are one step closer to seeing your entire family cross the line of faith…”

“InterVarsity South Asian Student Leaders” Photo Courtesy of Betina Daniel (c)

The great thing about the SOAP method is that it picks up where you left off. You ask Subjective questions about the last Plan of Action. You can ask questions about how the plan went last week. Then you study scripture again. Assess together. Make a new plan and execute it. Overtime you will see your disciple grow, become healthier, and look more like Christ. It is extremely rewarding to witness gradual, incremental steps take place over the course of a year.

I hope this gives you a helpful mental model for your next discipleship appointment. Always enter a discipleship relationship with vision for spiritual health. Picture what it will look like for your new disciple to walk this earth as a world changer. Don’t stop until you see progress toward that vision! Start today!

Is this mental model helpful? Can you start using it with your discipleship relationships? Share about a time that you discipled someone. How did it go?

Whether at work, on campus, at church, or on teams, you will need to use your voice to make connections, shape policy, develop strategy, or lead change. Conversations are the best way to develop your voice. Conversations have the potential to catalyze noble action. You can be a part of this!

Photo Courtesy of Samuel Dramsey (c)

Here are 5 tips to have better conversations with people around you.

Tip #1: Start with good intentions

The average person can smell a fake. If you are using a person to kill time until a more important person shows up, it is not noble and it is very evident. If you are using someone simply to get the latest info, it is not honoring to that person. People are not means to an end.

Greet people with a smile. Shake hands. Look at people in the eye (if culturally appropriate). Speak warmly. At that specific moment, make your time with them intentional. People are not always what they seem. What if the next catalyst to change the world is this shy unsuspecting wallflower standing in front of you? He/she could be your best “partner in crime”! Believe in people as you talk to them.

Tip #2: Introduce yourself clearly

Don’t be shy to introduce yourself! In fact, not just who you are… but address where, when, what, etc. Let people know where you were born or currently live, why you came to this conference or joined the team, what is happening in regards to your professional development, etc.

Keep it short. Keep it simple. Keep it open. In fact, this is something that I try to rehearse. I have crafted a statement that I utilize to start conversations. In many ways, this statement is not only introductory, but it becomes my personal value proposition. For example, here is what I typically say.

Hey, my name is Linson Daniel. Yeah, that’s L-I-N-S-O-N. (I usually have to spell my name for others). My parents are from India, and I was born and raised in Mesquite, TX. I’m extremely glad to be here to connect with other people that have similar ideas. The university campus, young adults, and producing world-changers is core to what I do in this stage of my life. I am doing that as an area director for a para-church organization. I still feel kinda new at this line of work — especially while being a husband and relatively new father, but I’m loving this journey and have significantly grown…

What about you?

There is a lot packed into that short blurb, but it immediately answers the question about my ethnicity because people always want to know that but do not know how to ask. It also opens the door to engage about work, ambition, family, and/or other networking possibilities. It also shows that I’m a learner and open to hearing from them. This is a great way to introduce yourself and creates on-ramps for the rest of your conversation.

Tip #3: Ask open-ended questions

Notice the last thing about my introduction is a question. Questions are the lifeblood of a conversation. Remember that an interested person is an interesting person. There is something captivating about you when you ask questions that open up new connections, insights, and value between you both. Put others before yourself with your conversation.

Keep asking questions that build upon what you have heard. Don’t be weird and random with your questions. If he/she is talking about family, then ask about family… not about your next project or idea. For example, here is an excerpt from a recent conversation:

Did you say you were from India too? Wow, where?
…

What made you guys immigrate to the U.S.?
…

When was the last time you went back to India?
…

What would you say is your favorite part about being Indian?  Is it the people (or food, culture, clothing, church, Bollywood, leadership)? Why?
…

This conversation will probably last about 15-20 minutes, easy! Your friend feels validated, heard, and connected to you because you kept the conversation going by asking great questions. Great questions cannot be answered by “yes” or “no”. Great questions start dialogue or stories. Great questions also make your new friend the center of attention.

Photo Courtesy of InterVarsity 2100 Productions (c)

Tip #4: Stay focused on the conversation

Who is the main character of your conversation? Not you! BUT… without you there is not a conversation at all.  Let your new friend share their thoughts, stories, and ideas. While they are sharing, don’t be distracted or distracting. Don’t let others take you away from your conversation. Be focused and in charge of your surroundings.

Some people love to work the room by being everywhere and meeting everyone. My best advise is NOT to be that “social butterfly” per se, but be a “social tortoise”. Haha, ok, so that is not a great picture. But what I mean is that you should be precise, prudent, and polite as you work your way around the room.

Fluttering, giggling, and prancing around a room is not helpful for you or others. Stay focused on your current conversation. Remember that 1-2 meaningful conversations is better than 10-15 shallow conversations.

Tip #5: End with a chance to follow-up

The conversation is not the end, but the beginning. Always have a method of reconnecting again. Try using a clear, informative business card. Or consider using Evernote Hello. (P.S. let me know if you use this software — I want to learn more about it). Or simply exchange phone numbers — in a professional, non-hookup sorta way. Haha.

These connections are important and I believe these conversations are divinely orchestrated. Oh and another practical tip: take out your phone and set a reminder on your to-do list or calendar to send your new friends an email within the next 7-10 days. Write down a few aspects of your conversation and mention those things in your email.

I hope that you will take the opportunity to make the best of your next conversation. Treat people with respect. Show that you care. Believe in people. I trust that many doors will be opened for them and for you as we encourage one another.  Who knows — the next big idea to help us change the world is just one conversation away… Let your voice and the voice of others be heard. Start today!

Is this helpful? Do you have any other tips to have better conversations? Do you have a story to share? Please comment below!